Group communication (A personal experience bit)
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that a group cannot be run by too many people, and too many egos. Groups are everywhere no matter how big or small the sizes vary. Small groups or subgroups that form are generally known as “cliques”. Cliques are known to give social stability and provide an individual with a status, usually to indicate some kind of self-importance and distinction from all others. These groups are “closed” and would seldom allow new people to join the group unless they are deemed “the same” or “cool” or “hot” or “popular” enough to join the clique. Even when most of us know that the most important thing is to be yourself (an individual who does not need a group for social security), naturally, we would still crave to be part of an “in” group.
Although some groups may seem all glamorous and powerful on the outside, one doesn’t usually take note of the group politics that exist within every single group. No one group is completely harmonious and agreeable to one another all the time. Power struggles between members who are characteristically dominant are always prevalent. You can’t avoid it.
The media is always portraying the importance of being a member of a group. Not just any group, but a group that is popular. The “A” crowd in a school is a place, a status that people would dream of. Seriously, is it all it’s cracked up to be? Is it even realistic to want to always be a part of the “popular bunch”? Belonging to such groups would also subject you to group pressure (the balance between group and individual needs), like any other group would. Maintaining your status in a group would mean you would have to keep participating in group activities and chipping in wherever you’re needed to. I think many kids go on through their schooling stages of life pretending to be someone they’re not because they want to fit in.
On the other hand, I’m not saying that belonging to a group is a bad thing. Groups give you the support you need: You’re included, you’re in control, and you’re loved! But most importantly, a person needs to retain his or her individual identity. Not act to get in the good books with the other puzzle pieces.
If you don’t fit, then something’s telling you to move on. No matter how you turn a piece of a puzzle to fit into a small space, if it doesn’t complement in the first place, wouldn’t the next natural reaction be to move on to the next piece?
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Group communications is probably the hardest to maintain amongst all communication types. In a group, there are many individuals with their own mindset and perception of the world. No mattter how great is the group's dynamics with each other, conflicts are bound to arise because of their difference.
ReplyDeleteIn a group, however, you get to learn from each other and according to the transactional model, exert a mutual influence on each other. In my opinion, being 'popular' is not a true gauge of how good your communication skills are. It is how easily you can 'blend' into different groups which determines your comm skills (:
Of course groups are important. Humans are social creatures, hence interaction with other people is imparative. Mixing with a group of people that makes you feel comfortable is the mosst sensible thing to do. Peer pressure still does however, arise even if groups are extremely tight-knit. Sometimes, it is your closest friends that could make you feel out of place. Alot of people would aim to be the most well-known person for the sake of gaining attention. Seriously, that is really generic.
ReplyDeleteI think it is sort of an instinct to group together with people, especially if you find that they 'click' with you. This "phenomenon" starts when we were young and it becomes a mentality that we bring into every phases of our lives. This is mostly because we, as humans, are social creatures and as you mentioned above, groups provide the support and stability that we need.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the need to be in the popular group seems to diminish the older we are. This is probably due to the fact that as we mature, we want to be more individualistic or stand out from the norm (not too much though or you will be plain weird); to be popular in our own way and achieve the social status accordingly and not by tagging on to the already popular group.
Kids do try to pretend to be who they are not so as to fit in, but are they to be blamed? As you said, 'If you don’t fit, then something’s telling you to move on' this results in forming their perception that they have to present themselves in a certain way so they can be accepted. In fact, perception largely influence who we want to accept into or ostracise from the group. I guess personality and character is also a very important factor, especially when trying to maintain the group dynamics.
P.S. Power struggle in group, coughPWcough. LOL. Then again, I love BSW(figure this out yet?)
P.P.S. Comment doesn’t seems to make much sense when I read it, but oh well, this is already long long long overdue.
Hi Audrey, Gerald here. I feel that self control and discipline in being bound to your individual principles play a huge role in being in a group. You can't always be conforming to a group. That would just cause you to lose your identity as an individual and you'd just be tagging for the sake of tagging. In my personal opinion, I feel that trying to fit into a group that is not YOU as an individual is just a waste of time and energy and its better off to be a social outcast sometimes.
ReplyDeleteHi Audrey, good coverage on the positive and negative aspects of groups. I do agree with you that the media holds a large portion of influence in shaping one's perspective in the idea that : You are somebody if you belong to the most popular group in your social settings.
ReplyDeleteThis portrays a negative effect especially to young children as they are at a developmental stage where influences hold a strong pulling effect in shaping their perception of the world.
Hey, I feel that it's an intrinsic behavior for human to want to be part of a social group. Sure, there are people who are outcast or loners, but they are usually part of a group once too.
ReplyDeleteI agree that being in a group always has its problems and benefits, and peer pressure is inevitable. But being yourself, as much as u can at least, is vital.
Yo Odd! this is cheng and I would just like to say that. Sure one might be able to survive in school (or any other social setting) alone. Mos def achievable.
ReplyDeleteJust note that the one thing that keeps most of us wanting to wake up tomorrow (outside of expensive chocolate) is to be in the company of people.
A lack of emotional attachment to a certain setting (say workplace) means there's little reason to stay on. A lack of emotional attachment to this world (basically havin no friends) has been known to drive people to suicide.
I guess it comes down to finding out where you belong to but if you really cant fit in, and really need some friends, screw it you know? Do what you gotta do.
If you're among a bunch of literature geeks and try to fit in by picking up the literature they read, there's a chance you might learn to like it tooo ^^
Certain groups of friends can bring you both joy and unhappiness. I think that we should not always try to conform to a group when we know that it is against out character and nature. Groups tend to break down our individual selves more than we actually know. Group influence is strong, and for kids these days, peer pressure is a constant challenge.
ReplyDeleteOn the media, we see two types of people: The ones that just follow the crowd, and the ones that resist the crowd. More often than not, following the crowd with the "herd mentality" is the more popular choice as portrayed on movies and tv shows. Isn't that the trend that kids these days would try to follow too then?
If you don't fit in with a group, move on. Why waste your time? Groups that make you feel not "belonged" only says one thing: you got to be strong enough to detach yourself from the group and find another one. Individuality is so much more important than being just a mere comformist.
ReplyDeleteInstead settling into a group as quickly as possible, one could instead mix around a lot with many people. This would make it much easier to find a group you identify with, and you'd probably find some other friends you can turn to whenever you want to talk about your group without affecting anyone else. However, getting to know more people would naturally take more time, and as time goes on groups becomes more 'closed', as you stated. It may be harder to fit back into any one group then. Also, perceptions of people change as you get to know them more. The group you thought you could fit in with may not be who they seemed to be on the outside, or group politics could push you away.
ReplyDeleteAs people age and grow more complex, finding people you can connect with grows more and more difficult. But birds of a feather flock together, and in a community, once you've found one it becomes easier to find the next one. Pretending you're someone you're not so you can attract people who may not like who you really are, by comparison, is a silly notion.
Group socialisation is something that occrus on a daily basis. The idea of kids getting influenced by the media is a hard-pressing issue. At the time of their lives when they are in school, the "cool" factor is one of the main things they would try to achieve without bearing much of the consequences in mind.
ReplyDeleteBut hey, having a group is important. When you're in a group you fit with, it is really a blast. On the other hand, as most of you people have mentioned, individuality is vital. Trying hard to conform is not exactly the best oreder of the day.
"What's the problem with being alone? When we are alone, we are all-one in that too."
ReplyDeleteConformity is a trend we all face wherever we go, but it is our choice in what way we wish to conform. There is always one person like us out there and we don't always have to hide behind a facade to fit in.
To Yen Ling: Thank you for your comment! It is true that conflicts are bound to arise in all groups. But I think that popularity arises from the how well a person is able to blend into many groups and being liked at the same time. It says alot about how good your communication skills are. It is however, not a true gauge or a true model or stereotype that is realistic to follow or sought after.
ReplyDeleteTo =): Thank you for your comment! I fully agree with you that everyone is bound to experience peer pressure, even when you are in the company of close friends. I see it and experience it everyday, and I'm sure I am not alone on this thought.
ReplyDeleteTo Abi: Thank you for your comment! Good point you made there about people growing out of the stage where popularity is the most important thing in the world. Children, and in fact, everybody goes through this stage until we are older and mature enough to realise that this idea or ideal is really nothing special at all. How silly we all must feel when we think about this. I know I do.
ReplyDeleteAs for group tension, we know we are bound to experience it. The only thing we can do is be strong and embrace that fact. Ignorance may not be a fantastic idea, but we can definitely iron out differences when we can understand members of the group better.
To Gerald: Thank you for your comment! I agree with what you say here. We can't always conform, because we are in danger of losing ourselves along the way. Surely, as I mentioned in the last paragraph, if we don't fit, we should really just move on.
ReplyDeleteTo Priscilla Tan: Thank you for your comment! The media really holds a strong influence over children especially. It is worrying, the types of things you hear children and teenagers do nowadays because they "saw that happen on tv or something." Hopefully they would grow out of these stages, but parents can do their part by watching their kids and correcting them where needed.
ReplyDeleteTo Christopher: Thank you for your comment! Yes, individuality is vital. I agree that outcastes and loners have probably belonged to a group before. While some might see them as "weird", I sometimes think that these people are the most brave in wanting to preserve their individuality, and thus choose to break away from their social groups.
ReplyDeleteTo Mr Ong: CHENG CHENG CHENG... (Just try to imagine that being sung) Thank you for your comment! Very true and interesting veiwpoint you have there. The part about the "literature geeks" certainly brought out some alternative view not mentioned here. I guess that would depend on the type of group a person wants to try to belong to. Fitting in is definitely not an easy job and if it doesn't work out, we got to move on and find something else. Its like finding the perfect outfit. Everything has to match.
ReplyDeleteAs social beings, we enjoy being in the company of other human beings. Even the most lone person wouldn't mind the company of somebody. If they deny it, they are most probably lying.
To d0t: Thank you for your comment! The "herd mentality" is often thought of as the safest thing to adopt. Standing out and being inconspicuous is not a move people would try to do. For children, their "cool" factor has to be upheld as long as they are in school. It's all part and parcel of growing up. The mass media certainly does not encourage one to move away from the herd.
ReplyDeleteTo Amanda: Thank you for your comment! I guess people waste their time with groups in the hope that they would eventually be somewhat accepted by the group. People often fail to realise that they do not complement a group until it is too late, when some emotional damage is already done. As the saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy". The painful experience can really teach a lesson: We can only hope that people realise soon enough that things are not going too well.
ReplyDeleteTo Zhi Yuan: Thank you for your comment! The "trial and error" method is something most people do in social experimentation. It leaves people with more room for choices and lets people have enough time to settle in the right group. Certainly, individuality is important, and more people need to see that instead of merely conforming or putting on a false front.
ReplyDeleteTo austenite1992: Thank you for your comment! I can't help but agree more. Group socialisation occurs on a daily basis. We wake up everyday excited to meet people who have different things to say about life, the world, interests, and so forth.
ReplyDeleteTo Ariel: Thank you for your comment! That is really a thought-provoking quote. If you think about it, there is really nothing wrong with being alone. People just tend to see that having a group is just a better option. As I mentioned in one of my earlier replies, the people who stand alone are the brave ones. They are not clouded by conformist values and their individuality is the most preserved and sacred.
ReplyDeleteWe are never alone in the world. Like you said, somewhere out there, there is a person exactly like us. It doesn't mean that you're not special, rather it suggests that you are a rare exception.
I really do not like it when people put their "faces" or reputations before their individuality. They're lying to themselves. You can survive without a group. It's not that hard.
ReplyDeleteTo ...: Thank you for your comment! Unfortunately, reputation is held of high importance in a high-context society like that of Singapore's. People can indeed survive without a group, but they have to discover that for themselves. Telling them would really make no difference if currently they see that having a group is the most important thing in the world.
ReplyDeletePuzzle pieces are fixed and shaped in a unique way, just like how God made us to be unique in our own special way. If people could see things through that light, their identity would be less of a confusion.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the sheep. But then again, groups give us the support we need everyday. Some people just wake up each morning and look forward to seeing their groups of friends. Groups are important, and we need value every single person who's a part of it. Ideally, at the same time, letting people in out-groups join in once in a while. It'll be a brave social step on the parts of members of both in and out-groups.
ReplyDeleteTo Shaun the SHEEP: Thank you for your comment! Good point made there. We were created to be special no matter what people tell us. There would certainly be less confusion and even pain when we are able to see ourselves as just that. But we have to be strong enough to be able to face this issue ourselves: The search for your true identity. Not one clouded by outer pressure.
ReplyDeleteTo Yee: Thank you for your comment! Very sensible remark. Surely, to be able to include outside people into the group would take some courage to face the group's criticism and even eventual social stigma. In real life, people hardly do that for fear of "social suicide".
ReplyDeleteI think we are in constant search for our true identities. We're always exposed to external pressure whether we like it or not. We just have to be able to adapt.